


You Matter To Me

by peony_lilac



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/M, Sad Rey (Star Wars), Soft Ben Solo, but he makes it better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23223571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peony_lilac/pseuds/peony_lilac
Summary: He had to stop that one tear spilling over her cheek. That one tear was breaking his heart.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 13
Kudos: 72





	You Matter To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey hey! So this is my first fanfic ever! Actually, this is my first piece of creative writing in... pretty much ever! I have been a lurker for most of my time in fandoms (I know, I'm the worst) but after reading some amazing fiction and watching others out there spread love and positivity into the universe, I thought I'd try to have a more active part in my fandom experience. I doubt anyone is going to read this, but on the off chance you do, a comment would be appreciated (I know, I'm one to ask lol)! This is unbeta'ed so I apologize for any mistakes (primarily comma) and I hope you enjoy this seriously cliched and overdone piece of fiction! (I also don't know how to rate, so there's not really *anything* in this work, but there's allusion to wants and some swearing so I thought I'd rate it Teen just to be safe).

He had to stop that one tear spilling over her cheek. That one tear which danced over her skin, her freckles, making the perfectly little formed dots in her complexion glisten. That one tear which, as it continued its journey down her face, her pink tongue wiped from the corner of her mouth. _(It should be his mouth kissing it away he thinks. His lips soothing the pain that droplet of water holds)_. That one tear which was currently breaking his heart. Almost as much as her soft sniffles. But... _that one tear._

He’d heard Rey attempt to keep her cries to herself, mainly through the thin wall separating their rooms, but he’d never _seen_ her cry. She always made an excuse to leave if he walked in the living room after she had a particularly hard day at work, or if she had a glass too many and that commercial with the whining dogs was too much. Hell, she even angled her body away if she was laughing too hard and the joy of the joke made itself known through a sheen in her eyes. So this one tear meant _everything_. Something or someone had broken her resolve to remain stoic, and God help them because as soon as Ben was done comforting Rey, he would obliterate whatever had caused her to hurt this much.

When she first walked into the apartment Ben thought she just had a case of the hiccups, but as he’d turned at the sound of her sniffles and she held her arms out for him while whispering a hoarse “ _Ben_ ,” his legs moved on autopilot, one minute he’d been idling by the fridge and the next thing he knew he was at the front door, collecting her sagging body in his arms, running his hands through her hair--that’d been when he saw _the tear_ , when he realized just how deep, whatever this knife was, stabbed Rey.

As Rey’s body began to lose its fight, Ben slowly lowered them both to the floor, gently situating his legs so she sprawled across his lap while his arms encompassed her torso, allowing him to bring her chest to his so she could feel the steady heart which beat for her, only for her. Her face sought his neck, burrowing into the soft skin while she sighed out another hiccup. Unsure what to do besides hold her, Ben nuzzled the hair by her ear. D _amn she always smells good,_ his mind unhelpfully supplied. He hummed what he hoped was a soothing resonance and rocked her. _This is what people do, right?_ He thought to himself. _They hold the roommate they’re in love with and provide comfort platonically. It doesn’t matter that she feels so right. Shut up Ben. But Rey. Rey. Rey._

As if answering his mind’s repetitive calling, Rey lifted her head, breaking his through his thoughts with her hazel eyes, peering at him through a red tinted self-consciousness, and two front teeth worrying her bottom lip. Ben’s fingers were still tangled in her hair and afraid _this_ was the overstep, tried to reclaim them, but a slight pull in the odd direction had her face tinging with pain and he gave up, lowering them back to her scalp to rub the pulled skin soothingly. Rey leaned into the touch before jerking back, wiping her nose and stuttering out a soft, “Sorry about that.” Her short laugh had his dark brows pulling down.

“Rey.”

“Ben,” She intoned, trying to conjure a smile but it was slight and wavered around the edges.

He sighed. “Who do I have to kill?” The blunt question made her snort, surprising him just as much as her, if the slight widening of her eyes was any indication. Rolling said eyes Rey shot him a smirk.

“You’d have your work cut out for you, are you sure you can handle this assignment, Agent?”

“Bold of you to assume I have any weakness that would make it a challenge,” he shot back.

“Hm, now that I don’t believe. Wasn’t it just last week when you cried because we ran out of cookies?”

“Hey now, I wasn’t crying! And if I _happened_ to shed one lone tear it was because those were the first cookies as good as my grandmother’s. So if anything, it’s your fault for baking them.” He smiled, hoping to keep the light air which currently surrounded them. Lady Luck, _(as always)_ hated him because Rey’s eyes filled again and her top teeth clamped harder onto her already bruised and puffy lower lip. Ben tried not to let his eyes fixate too long on this, he really did, but who was he kidding, a ‘crying and obviously trying to hold it together’ Rey was still beautiful and there would never be a moment where he didn’t wish to replace her teeth with his own. It was, again, movement from her that broke his reverie.

“Hey, what are you doing?” He asked, finally and successfully removing his hands from her hair, then trying and failing to move his legs in a manner which would help whatever the hell kind of wiggling _she_ was doing _(Stop that tangent, Ben)_. But his movements ultimately caused Rey to fall further onto his lap, this time straddling his hips _(Hello_ ).

“I’m trying to get-up but your giant tree legs are in the way!” She huffed. Pushing herself back onto her palms to glare at him.

“Giant tree-legs, huh?”

“Yes! If you weren’t built like a bloody redwood I would be safely crying inside my room right now!” Rey seemed to realize what she had said a moment too late, mouth gaping as Ben surged up to once again pull her to him.

His arms encircled her while her trembling hands came to rest on his shoulders, “Why do you have to go through whatever's going on alone? I’m right here Rey, let me help. I’ll make tea. Be your ear. Shit, I can even attempt to bake brownies if you want, and you know how the last time went,” he chuckled.

“I don’t want to...to burden you with my problems, Ben. I can deal with it. I have been dealing with it. It is being dealt with,” she winced. 

“Bull. Shit. You’ve seen me at my worst. Listening as I raged over Snoke and then forcefully pulling me back to my family. Why is it I’m allowed to be vulnerable but I can’t help you in return?” He pleaded, angling his hands to the base of her neck and bringing her forehead to rest on his. “I want to help, Sweetheart. Please.”

The tears streamed down her face now. Rivulets of water coursing over her cheeks and he didn’t care that it wouldn’t be platonic, Ben followed his instinct and let his lips chase the rivers away, not so much kissing her but rather providing a warm gentle pressure, a human connection for her to feel she wasn’t alone. That she had _him._

A low whimper sounded in the back of Rey’s throat. “It’s my ‘found day’ today.”

“What?” Ben asked, continuing his perusal of her sharp cheekbones, listening intently but content to stay this close to her before she inevitably left his hold.

“My ‘found day.’ Y-You know I don’t have parents.” His lips guided him lower now, lightly brushing along her jaw, his eyes, heavy, fell closed. “I was left at the door of a firehouse in London, they didn’t exactly know how old I was and so when they brought me to the orphanage they told the staff the day I was found. Which is today.” She let off on a shaky breath, pulling Ben’s head up to meet her eyes with a small hand. “Today's the day I’m reminded I’m _nothing_.”

Ben’s heart broke. The ache he felt earlier had nothing on the pain exploding in his chest at the utter grief in her eyes. “You’re not nothing Sweetheart. Not even close.”

She cut him off with a sharp nod. “My parents left me when I was a baby and when I finally went into foster care the officials told me I had colic. Do you know what that is?” Ben shook his head while rubbing supportive circles into her arms, causing goose-bumps to rise. “It’s when you scream and cry for days on end as a baby. The worst case they had seen; I was inconsolable. My last day in the house they said, ‘Better keep the tears to a minimum now, you want to attract parents, not send them away.’ As a joke.” Rey wiped her face with the back of her hand, huffing a short and disdainfully unamused laugh. Anger bubbled beneath Ben’s skin, the itch to confront the assholes who would insinuate a thing like that, to anyone, but especially to a child almost made him lose his grip on Rey. In turn, she clutched harder to his shoulders, pulling herself to rest underneath his chin. He tightened his hold.

“They were scum to say that, to make you think that,” he breathed.

“No, they were right. I cried a lot as a kid. I don’t know why, most of the other kids were able to keep it down, to put on a smile and make families want them. They made themselves _matter_. I rarely smiled. It’s no wonder why they wouldn’t want me. Who wants to adopt a child who’s never happy?”

Ben clutched her closer, “Is that why you don’t cry in front of people? In front of me?”

In perhaps the softest voice Ben had ever heard Rey use, “Why would I want to push away the person I want to matter to the most?”

Ben’s heart stopped. Then skipped to a sprint. “ _Rey._ ”

Rey sniffled as she burrowed deeper into his chest, arms tightening around his waist, “I didn’t mean to tell you, I know you don’t feel the same way, or maybe you do but not how _I_ mean it and that’s okay! I don’t want to lose you and if that means I have to move out to save our friendship I’ll do it, but--” Ben cut her off, _(yanking, perhaps too aggressively)_ , to get her face to meet his. He couldn’t take it any longer. Rey thinking he didn’t want her like that was some bullshit he couldn’t let her believe, not for one more second. With a final glance to her red rimmed eyes Ben leaned down, settling his lips against her own in the most exquisite pressure imaginable. His lids fluttered shut as he felt the soft intake of a gasp, not deepening the kiss, instead being perfectly happy to feel her fingers scrunch the back of his sweater and the hot puff of air she breathed out as his tongue licked at her lower lip before he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers.

Ben sighed, opening his heavy eyes to find Rey’s own fluttering but still closed, along with a small uptick to her lips _(He kissed those lips)_. Hoarsely, Ben whispered, “Anyone who left you is certifiably insane. And anything within your head telling you I _couldn’t want you_ is not much better. Rey. Sweetheart. You are all that matters to me. And I’ll stay here, with you, for as long as you’ll let me.”

Rey smiled. A true smile. A big toothy smile that lit up her whole face, which Ben instantly returned, unable to feel anything other than elation at the joy in Rey. Her hazel orbs roamed his face, lingering on his slightly crooked teeth as she breathed out, "Forever."

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it! I know it's not the greatest, and who knows if I'll write any more, but I'm proud of myself for having written this and posted it! Yay for accomplishments! Much love out to the universe! If you want, my tumblr is  
> peony-lilac, I haven't created any posts but I have a whole roll of good things in my "like" tab. :)


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